and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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