I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
