using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
