his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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