my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
