Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
