Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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