I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
