bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
