This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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