y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
