hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
