found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
