Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
