A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will be naked everywhere
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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