I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i think i just lost a toe
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
