I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
