She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You made out with two different species that night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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