Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
