who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
