At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and she was petting her beer can
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
