guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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