we're chasing vodka with high fives
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
