Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
