you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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