At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
