Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
