He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
