i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
