If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
