I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
