You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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