I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
