The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
