I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
