It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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