I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
