im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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