Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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