so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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