Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
