His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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