he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
