i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
