Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
