Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
