Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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