I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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