She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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