You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
