I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
