Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
